Mexican Werewolf in Texas

Submitted by corwin on Tue, 13 Feb 2007 12:41am

After my El Chupacabra fiasco, I was really dreading Mexican Werewolf in Texas. Truly, though, I need not have worried. After that fiasco, anyhting I watched (provided it wasn't by Uwe Boll himself) was bound to look like Citizen Kane. And sure enough, I found some small pieces of enjoyment in this one.

In an middle of nowhere town, coincidentally the goat capital of the world, a rash of vicious attacks has begun. The superstitious, but otherwise favorably portrayed Hispanic community believes it to be the work of el chupacabra. The utterly moronic white population of the town things the Mexicans are idiots and decide it's coyotes. Final Girl and her friends (Boyfriend, Scholarship Girl, Slut, and Jerk Not Long for This World) decide to take matters into their own hands because no one else in town seems to be able to stop the attacks. Their obvious solution? I big drunken party for all the high school students in town, complete with bonfire, and live goat on a tether for bait. Of course Slut and Jerk Not Long for This World wander off to have a quickie, and that's when the chupacabra appears, and kills the Jerk. Slut manages to escape, and she picks up Jerk's rifle as she runs off, ensuring he has no way to defend himself. Not maliciously, that's just how she rolls. A note about the creature here. We only see him in quick flashes during the attacks, or as he pops into the cover of shadows here and there, but it's obvious from the get go they're not using CGI. This earned bonus points for the film. It soon became clear they were using a guy in a monster suit, which pleased me to no end. Far too few movies do that in this day and age, and it's nice to see once in a while. They even went to the effort of hiding the zippers and so forth. So, anyway, Jerk is dead, but Slut doesn't seem to mind much despite the fact she was dating him. Everyone in the movie is pretty callous that way. Boyfriend has managed to contact a chupacabra expert who's coming to town, and Final Girl's dad is acting all weird, buying pelts from his hick relatives and spending a disturbing amount of extra time at his job (he's the town mortician). Final Girl, Boyfriend, Slut, and Scholarship Girl put together a plan to hide in this shed out in the goat pastures and shoot the chupacabra as he comes close. You see, they've discovered the pattern to the victims (there have been several by this point, but they weren't important so I didn't list them. Also, they weren't terribly memorable)... the chupacabra is attacking people who smell like animal blood! Yay a motive. Or something. Anyway, they use a pot roast for bait. Final Girl has a falling out with her parents over her Hispanic boyfriend, so she runs away to Slut's house and they take the first night staking out the shed. Final Girl's parents are angry at her for running off, but don;t seem to care much that they don't know where she is. Boyfriend can't make it because his father won't let him out, so he communicates with them via walkie talkie. The chupacabra decides to ignore their beautiful plan and attacks someone else. The next night, Boyfriend stakes out the shed. But Final Girl's dad has picked up their walkie talkie broadcasts and dons the furry suit he created at the office. He heads out with a barbeque fork to kill Boyfriend, and gets shot or shot at (I couldn't tell if he was hit) for his trouble. Boyfriend reports the beast is near, so Final Girl, Slut, and Scholarship Girl pile into the truck and head to the rescue. Along the way, they come across what they think is the chupacabra in the road, but it turns out to be Furry Dad, who was attacked by the real deal. Final Girl seems unmoved. The chupacabra attacks Scholarship Girl and the other two pile back into the truck. Both are unmoved by their friend's gruesome fate until they realize Scholarship Girl has the keys. They manage to slip out and get the keys and get back into the truck just as the chupacabra comes back. Fortunately, the script says they make it. Meanwhile, Boyfriend's dad figures out what the kids are up to, and heads on out to rescue them. He finds the bodies in the road, and tosses them in the back of the truck. Boyfriend, meanwhile, leaves the shed to make a break for Final Girl and Slut's truck. He's chased by the chupacabra, though, and wides up finding his dad and piles into that truck. Meanwhile, Final Girl and Slut are attacked, but they run the chupacabra over a half dozen times, killing it. All's well that ends well. There are some more minor bits after that, but they were boring and didn't matter much either. Since everyone's apparent apathy toward losing loved ones to the monster amused me, and I liked the use of a live action monster, rather than CGI, I give this one 0.7 Bolls. And Furry Suit Dad was just too bizarre for words.