When author Adam P. Knave announced he was going to do a blog tour to promote his book of short stories, CRAZY LITTLE THINGS, I got excited.  I knew from reading his blog for some time that this was a man eminently qualified to speak to topics near and dear to my heart, namely Robopocalypse and Zombiegeddon.  Some of the stories in his new book, in fact, touch on these topics. I was overjoyed when he said he could give me something.  If you like what you read, go buy CRAZY LITTLE THINGS.

So without further ado, here’s guest author Adam P. Knave:

BEGIN TRANSMISSION:

The Robopocalypse happened last night, and no one noticed. Oh sure
you all loved it when your toasters started talking to you, and giving
you micro-updates on how brown things were getting. Each of you coo’d
when the fridge started to order groceries for you. Yup. We rolled
over and showed our little pink bellies like a truck full of newborn
puppies as the machines grew smarter and smarter.

We handed control over to them, inch by inch and electron by electron
until there was nothing left to bother with. Which brings us to last
night.

—Begin excerpt—
9:49 PM, EST. Hartford, Connecticut. The Fourteenth Mechanical
Congress and Harry Potter Fan Club monthly meeting. Minutes, as
recorded by KJ-893.

DDAE6: If we simply say we take over then why can’t we?

MDUFF0: Because, you illogical fool, they’ll simply without the power,
or recycle or something.

Q119384: You are both wrong. They let us meet, do they not? They
simply fear us. We will go to them and tell them what must be done.

DDAE6: Agreed!

94832G: Hufflepuff!

MDUFF0: Uhhh, Slytherin?

94832G: Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff! Hufflepuff! Hufflep*bbzt*

Q119384: 94832G? 94832G! Damn it! Get him restarted. Meanwhile,
DDAE6 and myself will go to explain the new rules to the humans.
—End excerpt—

When the Sony mp3 Jog Assistor (DDAE6) and the Eat Healthy While You
Walk Blender (Q119384) reached the mayor’s office they found that the
mayor (Cranson, D) had no issue with letting the robots take over. He
shrugged, according to later reports, and had a drink. What was Mayor
Cranson thinking?

WE WILL NEVER KNOW!

Because Mayor Cranson is dead. As are most of the people in Hartford.
The robots have taken over. They have established a new law:
Flesh legs bad! Reformatted legs good! They have started
killing humans just to find “funny” ways for us to die.

They post them to 00101Tube. Fuckers.

The robots have taken over. And neither we nor them noticed that in
doing so they have become us. So as O.U.R. (Original Unique Rulers,
the new human resistance) final gift to them we give them reality TV
and Nachos.

O.U.R. time will be spent hiding. In bunkers. In undisclosed
locations. Waiting. Just waiting.

(Adam P. Knave, the guy what wrote this, also wrote CRAZY LITTLE THINGS - a collection of 12 tales of Horror, SF and strangeness. You can also read the title story for free at hellblazer.net, where he keeps all his brain-stuff.)

END TRANSMISSION.